Hello from BeaverCleaverville!
I had hoped that my return to these pages would be because of something happy calling me back, but unfortunately it wasn't. Such a serious issue has come up in the past few weeks I felt the need to speak and to get my story heard so that if even one life could be altered from it, than what I experienced would be worth it. By now I know most of you have heard the chilling news story of NFL player Ray Rice and his now wife Janay. Even more I am sure have watched the nauseating video of this adult "man" punching the "love of his life" directly in the face and then coldly dragging her body from the elevator. As I watched I became nauseated because the story was all to close to home for me, but what sickened me more was the victim blaming stories that followed in the days after. "Well if it really was so bad why would she stay?" "She's only after his money that's why she married him!" "Well if he was THAT abusive she would just leave!"
Let me say for the victims of domestic abuse, once you have reached the stage of public displays of physical violence to this degree, leaving is rarely an option that crosses your mind. You think that an abuser like that starts out a relationship by smacking a woman around? No way because nobody would stay around to put up with that! They start so much smaller. These "men" start as class acts, they hold the doors, sweep you off your feet, and overall are your knight in shining armor. Then one day, they say "are you really wearing that shirt tonight?" And well geez, it's just a stupid shirt right? So you quickly change and go about your night as if nothing happened. Then it's "are you going to wear your makeup like that" or your hair or whatever else they choose. So you change it because it's simple and you don't want to fight.
Then comes the harsher ones like "you know you'd be really pretty if you lost like 10 pounds right?" So you go on a crash diet for him. Then your friends notice and comment and suddenly he doesn't like your friends....so you drop them. That's when your family notices. Then he doesn't like your family so you stop talking to them because clearly THEY just don't understand him! Then he stops trusting you with money or anything important so you have no control or choice.
Then one day you say something to make him mad, maybe something you've said before and suddenly the "man" you live hauls off and hits you. You stare in disbelief at him and then he begins to cry "why would you make me do that? I'm sorry it will never happen again I promise!" He weeps....but it does again and again but now....you are alone with no options and no one to tell.
How do I know? Because I'm a domestic abuse survivor and because he would have killed me is why I left!
Leaving was the hardest decision I ever had to make. My family had no idea what had been happening, I felt like I had no options, I felt like no one would ever live me again, but then I realized HE had done that to me. That's exactly how he wanted me to feel. So slowly I rose above and today I am still healing but I have learned from a wonderful man TRUE LOVE DOESNT HURT and REAL MEN DONT HIT!!
1 in 3 women will suffer from domestic abuse in their lives. 1 in 3.
Don't suffer in silence, you are not alone!!!
All my love,
Mandy
