#whyIstayed #whyIleft

Hello from BeaverCleaverville!
I had hoped that my return to these pages would be because of something happy calling me back, but unfortunately it wasn't. Such a serious issue has come up in the past few weeks I felt the need to speak and to get my story heard so that if even one life could be altered from it, than what I experienced would be worth it. By now I know most of you have heard the chilling news story of NFL player Ray Rice and his now wife Janay. Even more I am sure have watched the nauseating video of this adult "man" punching the "love of his life" directly in the face and then coldly dragging her body from the elevator. As I watched I became nauseated because the story was all to close to home for me, but what sickened me more was the victim blaming stories that followed in the days after. "Well if it really was so bad why would she stay?" "She's only after his money that's why she married him!" "Well if he was THAT abusive she would just leave!"
Let me say for the victims of domestic abuse, once you have reached the stage of public displays of physical violence to this degree, leaving is rarely an option that crosses your mind. You think that an abuser like that starts out a relationship by smacking a woman around? No way because nobody would stay around to put up with that! They start so much smaller. These "men" start as class acts, they hold the doors, sweep you off your feet, and overall are your knight in shining armor. Then one day, they say "are you really wearing that shirt tonight?" And well geez, it's just a stupid shirt right? So you quickly change and go about your night as if nothing happened. Then it's "are you going to wear your makeup like that" or your hair or whatever else they choose. So you change it because it's simple and you don't want to fight.
Then comes the harsher ones like "you know you'd be really pretty if you lost like 10 pounds right?" So you go on a crash diet for him. Then your friends notice and comment and suddenly he doesn't like your friends....so you drop them. That's when your family notices. Then he doesn't like your family so you stop talking to them because clearly THEY just don't understand him! Then he stops trusting you with money or anything important so you have no control or choice.
Then one day you say something to make him mad, maybe something you've said before and suddenly the "man" you live hauls off and hits you. You stare in disbelief at him and then he begins to cry "why would you make me do that? I'm sorry it will never happen again I promise!" He weeps....but it does again and again but now....you are alone with no options and no one to tell.
How do I know? Because I'm a domestic abuse survivor and because he would have killed me is why I left!
Leaving was the hardest decision I ever had to make. My family had no idea what had been happening, I felt like I had no options, I felt like no one would ever live me again, but then I realized HE had done that to me. That's exactly how he wanted me to feel. So slowly I rose above and today I am still healing but I have learned from a wonderful man TRUE LOVE DOESNT HURT and REAL MEN DONT HIT!!
1 in 3 women will suffer from domestic abuse in their lives. 1 in 3.
Don't suffer in silence, you are not alone!!!
All my love,
Mandy

He wasn't "a coward"

Hunter Patch Adams: You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you'll win, no matter what the outcome. - Robin Williams "Patch Adams"

I awoke this morning like so many others stunned by the news that we had lost the great Robin Williams. More shocking than that was the way in which people were describing his death. He "committed" suicide, he's "a coward". Well murder, rape, adultery, theft those are things you "commit" not suicide, suicide is a decision made by those that literally feel like they have no other place to turn. They are trapped in a world so dark and so lonely nothing can reach them any longer. 
While suicide is devastating and horrible for those left behind and should NEVER be the option chosen it does not make one a coward for choosing it. That has to be the hardest decision ever. Sitting there alone, coming up with the idea that your life is so meaningless that this is truly the best option for everyone around you. 
Mental illness is very real. It is not made up, it is not "fun", it is not something people use to get things, it is a disease that people suffer from and it can be very life threatening.  People that suffer from often don't speak up because of the stigmas attached to it or fear they will not be believed. 
Then there are some that reach such a point of darkness and despair that very little can penetrate the sickness. Please believe me when I say that each life on this earth is precious, that each of you matter.  
It is a sad day today, we lost the man that made the world laugh, and we will never be the same! I hope Robin that you have at least found some peace! Rest easy my friend.
Forever stuck in the 50s,
The modern Lucy Ricardo

A little romance can go a long way.

Good morning from BeaverCleaverville!
I know I haven't been around for awhile and I apologize. My health has been up and down since the line insertion. I thought on my first day back I would discuss something near and dear to my heart : romance from the 50s and how to cross it over to today.
In the 50s romance was alive and well. Men took the time to grab flowers on the way home. To bring home a tiny gift for the wife. Wives appreciated their husbands and were excited when they arrived home. In some ways it was as if the newlywed vibe never left.

In the day and age of text messages, emails, face booking, tweeting, and whatever other electronic way of communicating that removes the personal touch romance seems to be a lost art. I'll share a story to close and make you think. I worked at a local retail store. A gentlemen came to my register to check out. In his hand were comfy pjs, slippers, chocolates, a girly movie, stuff to make dinner, flowers, and a card. I smiled at him and said "ah must be someone's birthday!" He replied simply "nah it's just Tuesday!" I stood there in shock and melted at the thought of this amazing gesture. So make sure those around you know how much you love them, not because it's a holiday...but just because "it's Tuesday".
Forever stuck in the 50s,
The modern Lucy Ricardo

Finally

Good morning from BeaverCleaverville!!
I wanted to bring you guys up to speed with my insurance saga! I finally got the call!! My PICC line will be done tomorrow!! When the nurse on the other end told me I broke into tears as I have been pretty ill these past couple weeks. I am so very thankful that I have such good insurance, they may have taken forever but they did come through for me in the end. While I'm extremely nervous about the procedure I am looking forward to possibility of living nausea free for the first time in a loooong time! I thank you all in advance for your good vibes, thoughts, and prayers you are sending my way!!
Forever stuck in the 50s
The modern Lucy Ricardo

Little angel smiles

Good morning from BeaverCleaverville!
I know I haven't been around consistently and I apologize. Blog posts are going to come as my health is good. I'm still waiting for my insurance company to come through on my iv line so needless to say I'm not feeling all that great but my littlest angel seems to be going out of her way to make me feel better.
My daughter CJ is only 16 months old but sometimes I wonder if she is a tiny guardian angel in hiding. Anytime I am feeling especially ill she will wander over with a tiny kiss and a hug. Then she wanders off giggling. I got to tell you sometimes that is better than any medicine I've been given. Other times when I am in a lot of pain she seems to sense it. She will slowly scooch over on the couch and then cuddle up on me and sit there quietly. Let me tell you this is a child that NEVER sits still typically but there she will sit.
My four year old Zachary always has what he calls "a two thumbs up" hug for me. (two thumbs up means a great job for him. He's autistic and needs good descriptions to let him know he's doing good or bad) as sick as I am these kids are my angels keeping me going and I love them more than anything!!
Forever stuck in the 50s
The modern Lucy Ricardo

New oddity

Good morning from BeaverCleaverville!
I'm sorry I haven't been around much this weekend but I've been pretty ill. I'm still in a holding pattern for my picc line and trying to eat food on my antibiotics neither are going well. So to take my mind off things the MIC took my out for a little oddities antique hunt and boy did he help me hit the jackpot. I can't even tell you how excited I am with the item we took home!!

Finally after talking about wanting one...forever...I finally have a beauchene skull! This particular articulation is done with two (naturally deceased) bobcat skulls. One is completely intact end and the other is broken down along its natural seams and put on wires to create the "exploded" look. 

I'm so thrilled as this has been one of my obsessions to find! We found a few other bizarre items this weekend that I will share over the week but I just had to show off this one!!! 

I know the simply aren't for everyone but to me it's art and beautiful!!

Forever stuck in the 50s,

The modern Lucy Ricardo

So I have a confession....

Good afternoon from BeaverCleaverville!
So I have this confession to make to you all.....I am addicted to really bad movies. You would think they would be easy enough to find in this great bid world of cinematic garbage but the MIC and I have gotten highly selective in the viewing of these "cinematic gems".
For me the love of bad movies started with a gem entitled "Death Becomes Her".

Trust me, as "great" as this cover looks, the movie is even worse. I spiraled on a hunt for bad movies even if they didn't mean to be. Another personal favorite is Dragonball Evolution:

Painfully this movie attempted to turn anime into a live action film, and let the hilarity in sue. This movie was bad, from start to finish, but hilarious to watch.
Then there are the classics of the bad movie aficionados:
SHARKNADO
Sharktopus
Two headed shark attack
Mega shark vs Mecha shark
Jersey shore shark attack
Sand sharks
These movies are delightfully aware of just how bad they truly are and don't go out of their way to 
hide it. We call them the "self aware" category because they are playing to the audience of movie goers like myself that just love a bad monster movie. 
Then there are the hidden gems. These cinematic hunks of garbage were never intended to be on the best worst ovine list but boy do they make a strong go of it:
Prisoners of a Lost Universe with such catchy lines as "Kleel's laws are hard, but just!".
Stanly which is about a Native American who befriends a rattlesnake, names him Stanly.....and trains him to kill on command. You can't even make that up its so bad!
And just so you don't think the vintage films have been skipped the 50s gave us some GEMS!!
This Island Earth
I Accuse My Parents
Monster on Campus
The Fly
Plan 9 from Outer Space I'm still slowly delving into the world of the truly bad film but I am so excited for July 30th:

SHARKNADO 2 aptly named "the second one" hits SyFy!! I'm extremely excited!
Well that's all for now! Go enjoy some movies!
Forever stuck in the 50s
The modern Lucy Ricardo